Three Conversations Dutch Managers Expect (But Never Ask For)
It's November. End-of-year reviews are coming up. Last week, someone told me: "I'm curious what my manager will say in that conversation."
That sentence always makes me restless.
Because it suggests your manager knows exactly what you do every day and how well you do it. In most jobs, that's rarely the case.
But more importantly, it reveals something about ownership. If you're waiting to hear what your manager thinks, you've already lost control of the conversation.
The Manager's Perspective
For 25+ years, I managed international teams at Dutch banks. I had regular check-ins with all my people. Short lines, open conversations. How are you doing? What's going on? How can I help?
But sometimes people would come to their year-end review and say: "I'm curious what you'll say."
That told me they never asked for feedback before. They never checked in with themselves about how they were doing. They were waiting for me to tell them.
And honestly? As a manager, that gave me pause.
Not because they weren't good at their jobs. But because they weren't taking ownership of their careers.
It's Not My Career. It's Yours.
Here's the thing: our check-ins should never be a monologue. I shouldn't be leading that conversation. It's not my career. It's not my job.
It's theirs.
That's what proactivity means. And in the Netherlands, that's not just expected—it's essential.
I can't say this happened all the time. But it happened enough that I noticed a pattern. Especially with professionals from Asian cultures, where individual thinking isn't as emphasized as collective harmony.
In many cultures, the senior person is expected to guide. The manager sees your talent and tells you what's next. You wait to be noticed.
In the Netherlands, that's not how it works.
The Three Conversations You Need to Start
Dutch managers expect you to initiate three types of conversations. Not once a year. Regularly.
1. The Performance Check-In
What it sounds like:
"Can we talk about how I'm doing? What's going well, and what could I improve?"
Why it matters:
Your manager isn't tracking everything you do. They have their own work, their own pressures. If you don't ask, they might not think to tell you.
And if you wait until the year-end review, you've lost 11 months of course-correction opportunities.
When to do it:
Quarterly at minimum. After big projects. Anytime you're unsure.
Cultural note:
In some cultures, asking "how am I doing?" feels like you're fishing for compliments or showing weakness. In the Netherlands, it shows you're serious about growth.
2. The Ambition Conversation
What it sounds like:
"I'd like to talk about my next steps. Where do you see opportunities for me? What would I need to develop to get there?"
Why it matters:
Dutch managers won't assume what you want. Silence is interpreted as satisfaction with the status quo.
If you never mention promotion, they think you're happy where you are. If you never ask about development, they assume you don't want to grow.
When to do it:
At least once a year. Ideally, twice. And definitely before someone less experienced gets the role you wanted.
What I saw:
I managed a talented relationship manager from India. Excellent work. Never complained. Two years, no promotion.
Why? I didn't know he wanted one. He thought good work speaks for itself.
When he finally asked, I was surprised. "Why didn't you say something earlier?" Within three months, we had a development plan. Six months later, promoted.
Same person. Same capability. The only thing that changed: he started the conversation.
3. The Broader Impact Discussion
What it sounds like:
"I've been thinking about how our team connects to the larger strategy. I have some ideas. Can we discuss?"
Why it matters:
In the Netherlands, "doing your job" is baseline. What gets you noticed is thinking beyond your role.
Dutch managers value people who connect dots. Who see the bigger picture. Who bring ideas that benefit the team or organization, not just their own tasks.
When to do it:
When you notice patterns. When you see opportunities. When you have ideas.
What it looks like:
One of my team members noticed that our client onboarding process created confusion for international clients. She didn't wait for me to ask. She mapped the problem, proposed a solution, and brought it to our weekly check-in.
We implemented it. She got visibility with senior leadership. That initiative became part of her promotion case.
She didn't just do her job. She improved the system.
The Year-End Review Isn't the Conversation. It's the Summary.
Here's what most people get wrong: the year-end review should have no surprises.
If you've been having these three conversations throughout the year, you already know:
How you're performing
Where you're headed
What you need to work on
The year-end review is just documentation of what you've already discussed.
But if you've been silent all year? That review becomes a guessing game. And you're not in control.
My Advice: Don't Wait
It's November. Year-end reviews are coming. Here's what to do now:
1. Look back at what you agreed on in January (or June)
What were your goals? Did you achieve them? If not, why not?
2. Ask colleagues and stakeholders for input
"How do you think I'm doing? What could I improve?"
This isn't fishing for compliments. It's data collection.
3. Make your own assessment
Where did you add value? What went well? What would you do differently?
Don't wait for your manager to tell you. You should know first.
4. Prepare your pitch
Go into that review with your reflection. Your achievements. Your development areas. Your ambitions for next year.
Make your manager your partner, not your judge.
Bonus tip: These last two months of the year matter more than you think. What you do now is freshest in your manager's mind when your name comes up in leadership discussions.
Give it your best. Be visible. Be proactive.
The Cultural Shift
In 25+ years of managing international teams, I noticed that professionals from Asian cultures often found this the hardest.
Not because they weren't capable. But because in many Asian cultures, the focus is on collective harmony, not individual ambition. You don't put yourself forward. You wait to be recognized.
That's respectful in Tokyo or Singapore. In Amsterdam, it's interpreted as disengagement.
It's not about right or wrong. It's about understanding the local game.
In the Netherlands:
Asking for feedback = maturity
Discussing your ambitions = clarity
Bringing ideas beyond your role = leadership potential
These aren't seen as pushy. They're expected.
Your Manager Wants This Too
Here's what surprised my team members when they started having these conversations: I welcomed them.
As a manager, I didn't want to guess what people wanted. I didn't want to discover in December that someone was frustrated in March.
When people came to me with questions, ambitions, and ideas, it made my job easier. I could help. I could advocate for them. I could connect them to opportunities.
But I couldn't do that if they stayed silent.
Your manager isn't a mind reader. And the year-end review isn't a reveal. It's a recap of conversations you should've been having all year.
Start Now
Don't wait until your review to wonder what your manager will say.
Start the conversation today.
Ask how you're doing. Share what you want. Bring ideas that add value.
Make your career your responsibility.
Because in the Netherlands, that's not optional. That's the game.
If you're preparing for your year-end review and want to think through how to approach these conversations, let's talk.
Book a free intro call with Simon Jansen:
